Saturday, August 27, 2016

Day 4 - Room Number AK-47

Sleep has not been my friend since my arrival.  Normally I’m a night person, but now I’m an extreme morning person.  Most nights I wake up around 2 AM, and am just kind of done sleeping.  The time change is a factor, I don’t ever sleep well in new beds, which is also a factor, and occasionally there is a radical sleep interruption as well. 

Day begins in unique fashion at 12:45 AM.  There is a loud buzzing sound that startles me from my sleep.  Power outages are common here, as in daily, so I assume it’s just something resetting itself, and just lay back down.  It buzzes again.  No worries, sometimes it takes two tries for a machine to successfully reboot.  A third time!  It’s feasible the power just keeps going back out. A fourth time! Honestly, not good reasoning here, I just don’t want to get up, and I’m hoping it goes away on its own.  Fifth and sixth time in rapid succession.  I start paying attention to other things. 

I hear loud noises in the hallway, several voices; quite unusual here.  They aren’t Americans, and aren’t loud all the time.  They also have a seven day workweek and don’t make a habit of being out and about late.  The streets are pretty quiet by about ten.  I assume I need to answer the door and slowly start to get dressed.  A seventh and eighth buzz occurs, followed by a knock on the door.  It turns out the buzzing is a doorbell that the hotel staff uses to let residents know they hate them too much to knock.

When you answer the door at 12:45 AM after a night of quietly enjoying dinner and not leaving the hotel, I’m not sure what you’d expect to find on the other side, but it was exactly as I expecting: three cops open carrying AK-47’s demanding to see my passport.

Yep.  That’s how my morning started, how was yours?  Our local guide was with the cops and let me know that this was “normal.”  That was a surprise to my colleague down the hall who had spent six months in India previously and had never needed to randomly provide her passport at midnight.  I proceeded to go over to my roommate, who shall here forth be known as Ears of Steel, to wake him up and let him know that he needed to get his passport. 

I probably should have been scared, but for whatever reason, I just thought “no bigs, I’ll get them my passport.”  As they inspected said passport, they also held up a camera high in the air and snapped a picture of gorgeous two hours of sleep Taylor.  It was nice that they lifted it up high so I could get the Facebook angles thing going, but it later occurred to me that this was likely simply required for them to actually get my face.  They are after all, generally six inches shorter than me.

After confirming that the passports were in order, they and their lovely open carry AK’s, did need to come into the room and inspect my roommates backpack for whatever scary things make it through customs but are dangerous in a hotel room.  Obviously.  A few moments later, they left, and that was that.  Strangely enough, I had no issue going back to sleep within a few minutes.  I would later learn that most of our group got a similar experience, although not all of us.  That’s right, I’m one of the scary ones.

My morning started again around 5:30 the way any rational American would hope for after that experience: with the loud sound of “AAAALLLLLLLAAAAAHHHHHHH” blaring through their window.  Yep, that was my follow up to by AK-vestigated at midnight.  The loud noise was followed up by about three minutes of prayer at a similar volume.  Later in the day I noticed that the medians throughout the city streets have large speakers that sit on a pole above the.  They have different songs or speeches coming through on almost every city block.  Who controls these and determines their content, I’m unsure of, I do know that at least one of them likes to start his day by praying to screaming at Allah though.  I later learned that this is simply a traditional Muslim call to prayer, but being that Muslims may as well be pandas because of their rarity where I'm used to being, I had never experienced such a thing.

A breakfast buffet later followed.  To follow up on yesterdays food blogging, their juices and omelets are also better than ours, and my feelings that chicken could in fact replace all other meat was reaffirmed by chicken sausage.  They don’t bother with the cute American crap in their omelets either, they are always called “cheese omelets” because they are just eggs with a butt ton of cheese in them.  Delightful.  Unfortunately though, there was a bowl labeled “fresh fruit” that had stuff in it that tasted like tomatoes.  Kind of a jerk move India, I guess the food isn’t perfect.

Given the events of the night before, it was determined that the planned activities for the day of visiting the REDACTED would not be a good idea.  Instead we visited another inner city church.  Our bus decided to just power on down an alleyway to get us there, proceeding to convince one man to help us out by lifting a tent pole that was essentially the roof of his house out of the way for us.  Personally, I would have preferred to just walk an extra 200 feet, but my opinion wasn’t asked.  It was good for about five minutes of looking out the window and watching what felt like half the city laugh at us.  White people right?  Darn Brits.

Church was a similar experience as the past two days.  I’m still not super comfortable with the gifts or the attention but am happy to help make their day, even if it is just by being the hairiest ghost they’ve ever seen.  But remember how I wrote about how guilty I felt when they all wanted pictures with me the first day?  Well that was back, and after the selfies, one girl wanted my autograph.  That’s right, I was literally viewed as a celebrity for being American.  That broke my heart.  I almost cried right there while chicken scratching “Taylor Brandel” on a slip of notebook paper for someone who’s name I didn’t, nor likely ever will, know.

It’s heartbreaking to know that the situations these people are in are so sad that simply seeing big white guys handing Dum-Dums to kids inspires hope.  If you need someone to finish your leftovers, find dark humor in a situation, or represent you in some crazy trial-by-boggle justice system, I’m your guy.  Inspire hope?  I hope you’re collecting more autographs to be safe. 

After church, we found a different way back to the bus, which I assume must have been airlifted out of the alley I last saw it in.  Or we just boarded a new bus and the old one was just turned into low income housing.  I took an enlightening ride in a car with a local back to the bus from the church.  He drove like a madman.  Well, like rainman, it was brilliant.  He bulleted down that alley at like 30 MPH, on a dirt road, just swerving around bikes, pedestrians, mortal cars, and riskshaws like it weren’t no thang at all. 

That was entertaining but the enlightening part came when he pointed at the car ahead.  The rear window had a campaign sign in it, along with several cars in a convoy in front of it.  He pointed to the cars and said “those are politicians.  Crooks.”  Ah, corrupt politicians, the universal language.  Or so my colleagues and I thought, and said as much until he followed with this golden nugget of info: “that large face in the middle there, he just murdered someone last month.”  So that’s a thing.

The rest of the day was just more travel.  Three hours to go 40 km back to Delhi, boarding a train (my first train ride ever!), and buckling in for a 12 hour ride to the next city.  The train is a unique experience, like everything else here.  There are more people than seem reasonable to me but somehow it works.  Leaving Delhi was as exhausting as the bus ride.  There is no stopping, and instead of slowly taking in the whole town, you just look at the window as you see literally miles and miles of slums pass by your eyes with no breaks.  It’s the saddest I’ve felt on what has thus far been a trip severely lacking in joy. 

As I type this, I have just returned from my first trip to the squatty potty, which in case you’ve never experienced it, is a hole in the train you squat over and poop through.  As in it just drops to the train tracks below.  Note to self, do not play on the train tracks.  Also, I made the mistake of going to the “bathroom” without my shoes on, so now I have to take my socks off to avoid playing the game of “whose urine is in my sock right now.”  I joke because it’s how I deal with sadness.  Urine on my sock is gross, but that’s not even really dirty compared to the living situation I’ve seen literally millions of people in over the past 72 hours.  Don’t worry about the pee on my sock, pray for the people of India, that’s what I’m going to do.

Other Day 4 observations:
  •         The pizza came with a ketchup packet.  I truly don’t know how to respond to this.
  •          I saw a goat on the roof of a house.  Twice.
  •          My friend Mitch truly has a gift for spotting people peeing on the street.  His count is at 32.  I’m just at 2.  I’m okay losing the contest.
  •          40% of this city is just high rise apartments that never finished construction.  Seriously, I’ve seen like 100 of them.
  •          I’ve seen enough limping dogs to last a lifetime in 48 hours.  My puppies are getting the biggest hugs of their lives when I get home.
  •          Once you leave Delhi, the clouds are actually white again, and the sky is actually blue.
  •          All Hindu gods that are Elephantic look the same to me. 
  •          I think I was accidentally racist today, but it’s the hardest I’ve ever seen our pastor laugh, so I’m okay with it.

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