Friday, September 2, 2016

Day 10 – Taylor Brandel and the Very Good, Outstanding, Delightful Day

Day 10 again started quite early, no more than an hour after I finally fell asleep on the train.  We again stood around for thirty minutes or so waiting for the stop and exited the train.  The train station was ridiculously crowded for 2 AM.  I learned later on that there is a reason that the station is so crowded with people at 2 AM.  They are all lying around on the ground, not waiting on a red eye train, but because at night they just turn the station into their homeless shelter. 

We arrived at the hotel for a few hours of “sleep” before our super touristy day in Agra.  For our group of 15 people, we had 3 rooms.  We sent the two married couples to one room, the girls to a second room, and the six remaining men to the third room.  We opened the door to find exactly what we were hoping for: two twin beds, and a marble floor.  Two guys manned up and took the floor immediately.  There were no spare pillows or blankets either, so the beds they made were their backpacks for pillows, the towels from the bathroom for “mattresses” and no blankets.  The other four of us had the task of fitting onto two twin beds. 

The two younger, skinnier guys dove straight onto one bed and slept great.  The remaining two of us stared at the remaining bed, thinking that it didn’t look like a great option for just one of us.  While the other two had comfortably squeezed their skinny selves on the bed opposite spoon position with a tiny gap between them, that option was not on the table for my bed.  We decided to go no spoonsies, but definitely hourglassed with butts bumping in the middle.  The obvious thought is “well this is awkward” but the feelings of awkwardness quickly dissipate when you are instead focused on having the worst night of sleep in your entire life. 

In four hours, I think that I fell asleep twenty separate times, and achieved roughly eight minutes of sleep.  My arm fell asleep three times from the circulation crushing angles I had to lay down at.  Oh, and we had to share a pillow too.  Around 6 AM one of the guys on the floor decided that he was ready to have his back hurt while standing up instead, and left the room.  I proceeded to take his entire pack of towels and roll them up into a single pillow lump, and lay straight on the marble floor in the 18 inch space between our bed and wall and got the best sleep of my night for the next hour. 

After a quick hotel breakfast, we were off to do what most white people in India come to do: See the Taj Mahal.  The building is incredible, although it’s smaller than we expected.  The symmetry between the building and the gate and the surrounding reflective pools are all brilliant as well, all perfectly aligned so that you can see the peak of the Taj perfectly right through the center of the gate, and in all the pools as well.  Inside the grounds I saw a cat that looked to not be starving to death, and that was a really great experience too. 

We learned several amazing details about the construction of the building and man who oversaw its assembly.  I don’t want to write it all out, because you can find that elsewhere, but one fact I loved was that when it was done the man who ordered it built had the main architects hands cut off so he could never make anything better.  That’s one way of saying thank you.

The experience is mostly all on the outside of the building, as the inside is a mausoleum and guards keep traffic moving quickly straight through, and all photography is strictly off limits.  The tour guide of ours really did a great job of not letting pesky rules get in the way of his tour though, halting us all inside the building to explain stuff until guards berated us into moving.  Later, he asked our group leader for his phone, so he could use the flashlight to show the reflections in some gems on the wall.  Our leader complied, and then watched a security guard walk over and take his phone away from the guide and walk away casually.  That led to a sketchy few minutes of asking the question “did we just lose the only phone with all of our in country contacts on it?”  After a few minutes of arguing with the guard, the guide eventually got the phone back, and we proceeded out of the building, presumably so he could find a new way to be bad at his job.

After the Taj, our group was ready for air conditioning.  We went to a factory where they showed us how they make all the marble artwork.  Holy cow, it’s incredible.  Absolutely everything is done by hand, and it is so incredibly detailed.  One young man showed me a flower he had made that was barely visible on his fingertip.  That took an hour to make.  Most of the large tiles or end tables that were on display had carved out areas where different gems are placed inside to create pictures.  Some of them had over a 1000 gems of over a hundred different types.  Several were of the Taj Mahal itself, some were decorated elephants carved out of Indian marble. 

Unfortunately I can’t share pictures of them, no photos were allowed in the gallery.  The prices were out of my range however, although perfectly reasonable.  What cost $500 in that room, would cost five grand at home.  I wish I could have brought several items home.
 
After the marble factory we went to the Agra Fort.  You’ve probably never heard of it, but it’s incredible.  Essentially it’s a giant castle just down the river from the Taj Mahal, where you can actually look out and see the Taj Mahal.  The structure is enormous and took forever to tour.  I’ll post a ton of pictures, as there is no purpose in trying to capture the experience in words.

After that we headed to lunch.  Lunch itself was completely forgettable, but while parking the bus at the restaurant, my eye caught a snake charmer on the street corner, the first I’d seen all trip long.  My interest must have been immediately visible, as the guide asked if we wanted to watch the charmer in action.  I straight up squealed like a schoolgirl, yelled “YES” at a pitch likely much higher and louder than intended and bolted from the back of the bus to the door, rejecting the usual pecking order of waiting my turn form the back. 

Snakes are not popular animals, but I have loved them for as long as I can remember.  Growing up I used rifle through animal books looking for any new fact to absorb about them.  I have always wanted to hold a boa constrictor, and as luck would have it, that is just the snake this man was holding. 

The man welcomed us all to gather around.  A large number of our group was not stoked to see this reptile in action, but eventually we all circled up.  I was bouncing up and down giddy for the show, and the charmer picked up on the excitement, asking me to come sit by him.  I was happy to oblige.  What I did not expect was to have him then drape the boa around my neck.  SCCCCCOOOOOOOORRRREEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

My whole day was pretty much made at this point, but the excitement did not end there.  He then took the hat off of my head and placed something else up on top.  If I had been thinking at all about it, I would have known exactly what was happening, but I wasn’t.  In my mind, he was just placing some item on my head that was ceremonial garb or something, I thought nothing about it.  As it turns out, it was a basket with a king freakin’ cobra in it. 

The boa started to hiss and move its head back towards my hand.  I freaked out a bit at this point.  I knew I could stop the boa before it squeezed me, but those things have giant fangs.  They can’t poison you, but the last thing I wanted was a trip to an Indian hospital for giant gash.  After I got scared, I handed the boa off to the handler, and then it was pointed out to me that it actually had a rope around its mouth, so the bite was never a real threat. 

Then the basket was taken off my head, and I saw the cobra for the first time.  This was another situation where a normal person probably feels fear, but I’m not always normal.  A king cobra is probably my favorite snake of them all.  I have dreamed of seeing one up close, and seeing it within five feet of me created a burst of unreasonable excitement. 

Another minute or so of charming later, and I was off to lunch with a bucket list item destroyed. 
After lunch, we just looked for some light shopping to kill time until we hopped on another train.  We pulled up to an upscale store that sold pretty much everything from idols to tapestries, tea, and clothing.  Spraypainted on the side of the building was wonderful message of “Welcome Obama.”  I’m sure that was from the time he definitely didn’t come here.  The stuff in the store was really expensive, although cool, but I decided to wait for better deals at the matketplace tomorrow and headed back out to the bus.

I got on the bus with two other people and it quickly caught my attention that I was virtually unattended and that several dogs were visible in the street.  This was my chance for victory.  I snuck off the bus and started to wander down the street alone in a fashion that assuredly would have gained me a nice long tongue lashing had all the real adults not been inside bartering for tablecloths. 

The first dog that caught my eye was about a hundred feet down the street.  I slowly approached it and was quickly met with snarling teeth.  Okay, not that one.  I walked backwards, and caught another dog curled up in a ball sleeping in the sun.  About ten feet from it sat a man in a chair, just staring at the street.  I asked the man if the dog was his, I wasn’t interested in petting a tamed dog, I wanted a wild one.  He said he didn’t know the dog, and I chose my target.  I slowly approached and was met with a slow, nervous tail wag.  Challenge accepted.  I closed in and………. I PET THE DOG!  GOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!  CUBS WIN, CUBS WINS!  I PET A DOG!!!! TAKE THAT AUTHORITY!!! If the snake didn’t make my day, that sure did.  I pet it for about thirty seconds as it melted in my hand, perhaps experiencing love from a human being for the first time in its life, and snapped a picture for proof. 

I jumped back to the bus and bathed in hand sanitizer and awaited the groups return so I could boast of my accomplishment.  My story was met with eye rolls and concerns about how rabid I may or not currently be.  Those concerns are obviously foolish.  I wasn’t bit, and was barely even thinking about biting everyone else.  Blood does sound good though.

Afterwards, we took one more pit stop at a jewelry store where they make the merchandise in store.  This was clearly on the bottom rung of the tourist attraction ladder, and about half the group stayed on the bus, but I had only a few hours of India left to experience and I was going to absorb every last second I could.  It was a chance to walk the street a bit and maybe catch another pet-thirsty dog.
 
In the store, they showed a bunch of expensive jewels.  I advised I had no need of any jewelry, they asked about ladies in my life.  I again advised no opportunity there, they countered by saying something could be arranged.  That’s a negotiation technique I’m not used to at home, but I held strong and declined still.  Fun note though, they had one ring that costs 35 million rupees, or roughly $500,000 US dollars.  I countered with a $50, they declined.  I tried.

In the next room though, I encountered unexpected temptations in the form of vintage stabby things.  Knifes, and these redonkulously awesome things that fit over your hand and essentially become Wolverine claws.  These I was willing to negotiate for.  I had been hoping to get the real Indian bartering experience on the trip and this was the time. Eventually I bought a curved dagger with an elephant head handle, and case decorated with paintings in actual silver.  I may have gone over budget a bit.

On the other side of the room I saw the most amazing needlework of my lifetime.  I have been amazed by several of these items throughout the trip, but know all of them are out of my budget, so haven’t bothered taking time to stare at most.  On the wall here was a roughly eight foot wide hand embroidered picture of a tiger mauling a zebra in the jungle, and it’s just about the coolest thing I’ve ever seen.  Among the highlights are a small trail of blood dripping from the zebras freshly snapped neck, and a carefully crafted zebra phallic portion to be anatomically correct. 

I still didn’t ask the price but couldn’t help but stare for a while.

After the store, the group boarded the train to spend a final day in Delhi.  Whilst waiting for the train to take off, I stared out the window trying to distinguish what animal I was seeing.  It was a bit in the distance and I was getting that curved window distortion effect.  I couldn’t tell if it was a dog, two dogs standing close to each other, or a goat.  I verbally processed this, and others got involved in trying to understand what it was.  Eventually, I got bored of the mystery and just went sarcastic with it, declaring it to be an albino tiger.  To my surprise, a group member bought into that, and I got to run with the joke for a few minutes.


It was a goat.

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